No Homo
by constellationkid
Summary: Bro, no homo, but you're like the best boyfriend ever. Jason Grace is in dire need of a boyfriend, well in this case a fake boyfriend though he wouldn't mind a little fling. His sister has been trying to set him up for months before one day Jason snaps and tells her he's already seeing someone. Add Percy Jackson into the mix and you get a very messy fake relationship.
1. Chapter 0

It's two AM when the text comes through, Percy's in bed lying somewhere between the state of falling asleep and being dead inside. His phone is sitting on his chest as he waits for a response from Annabeth—though he already knows he isn't going to receive one. The buzz of his phone vibrates and scares him half to death at the shock factor as his heart beats a mile a minute. The fear was quickly replaced with a flicker of hope and a warmth surges through his chest as he quickly scrambles to get the phone in his hands. He lifts it up to look at the screen only to have it slip out of his fingers and slam into his face.

Pitifully enough this isn't the first time Percy had gotten a face full of phone so it didn't really damper his mood whatsoever. He quickly regains his composure and tries again this time succeeding and just like that his perfect mood was gone—well as perfect as it'll get these days. All happiness vanishes and the small smile that formed on his face returns back to his now usual look of 'pity me, my life currently sucks more than yours.'

He rolls his eyes as he looks at the message at the top of the screen. He should've known. If anyone were to text him this late at night it'd obviously be this idiot.

He dragged down the message, and started to type a curt response. He didn't want to be bitter with Jason, but he did manage to get his hopes up. And if anyone knows exactly how bitter Percy Jackson can be, it's definitely Jason Grace.

'I almost was, until you freaking texted me and the vibrate scared the shit out of me. Thanks you little shithead.'

Before he could hit send he completely erased it and tries again. It's not Jason's fault what happened. It's just because Percy's a fucking idiot. It really is Percy's fault and he can't keep taking it or on every one else.

'Yeah. What's up?'

The response was almost immediately, he didn't even have time to regret whatever spiel he knows he'll be receiving from his _enthusiastic_ friend.

Percy has known Jason since his freshman year of college and the two took an instant distaste to each other. Jason had inconveniently been jokingly hitting on Percy's 'little brother' Nico Di Angelo — Jason is a long term friend of Nico's boyfriend Will Solace, on a day where Percy was already in one of his pissy moods. So he reached pretty badly, in his defense Nico looked extremely uncomfortable as far as he could tell. Jason ended up with a bruised eye and Percy received a busted lip with a side of the silent treatment from Nico and Will for the rest of the week.

The two went on hating each other for months over petty disputes and false accusations. Until one day Jason had finally cracked under all the pressure and practically yelled at Percy in the center of campus 'ok can we just stop, hating you is causing way too much for my stress levels to handle.' Percy spent a good amount of time laughing as his ass off at that for weeks, and never fails to bring it up in conversations where the blonde is feeling particularly cheeky with him.

'I fucked up. Really bad Perce. I need your help.'

'Well, that's a first Grace. What could Superman possibly do wrong?'

'Just come over, I'll tell you in person.'

'Jace it's nearly three AM, there's no way in hell I'm dragging my ass out of bed to drive half an hour to your apartment.'

'Fine, leave your door unlocked asshole. I'll be there in a minute.'

Percy groaned as he tried to drag himself out of bed, in the end he settled for throwing himself at the floor and hopping for the best.

Instant pain sears through his body and tears form in his sea green eyes as he gasps for air and immediately starts hating himself for being this dramatic. His ankle had slammed into the edge of his metal bed frame and he is at least seventy-two percent certain it was at minimum sprained.

 _Fuck, I'd have to call Will tomorrow_ , he thought to himself as he glares at his bedroom door. I could get up and make sure the doors unlocked, _or_ I could just lay here and go to sleep, Jason knows where the extra key is.

Percy unconsciously decides to stay where he is as he slips into a state of dreaming. Something about the stories his mom told him as a child, tales of gods and monsters. He faintly remembers the sound of his door being opened and annoyed sigh. Jason Grace snickers to himself and pulls his phone out of his pocket to take a picture of the dark haired boy curled up into himself with drool rolling down his cheek. He'd use this as blackmail for months.

After snapping the picture he picks Percy carefully off the floor, knowing he'd get an earful of complaints in the morning about how much his back hurt if he had left him there. He placed him softly on the bed and then took the spot between him and the wall. _I guess it can wait until tomorrow,_ Jason thinks to himself running his hands through his blonde hair. He sighed softly and hurried himself in Percy's blue colored blankets. He chuckles to himself thinking about the boy's infatuation of blue. His blue food, his blue walls, his blue sheets, his blue covers, his blue…

" **PERSEUS FUCKING JACKSON OPEN THIS DOOR."**

Jason jumped terrified, he sighs realizing it's just Nico banging on the door. _Why the hell is he here so early_ , there's a weight on his legs and he looks down to see Percy completely undisturbed and still sleeping. Now with his legs hanging of the bed's edge and his head on Jason's thighs and his arms around his waist. The blanket that was covering the both of them is now lying on the floor. He reaches over to grab his glasses off Percy's bedside table, seeing it isn't actually as early he thought it was. The clock read **1:15** in bold flashing colors.

Then the banging started again, and Jason realizes that Nico's not at the bedroom door but at the one into the apartment. _Oh fuck, Nico._ He pulls out his phone, quite difficulty, Damn Jackson has quite of a power grip.

'Neeks, Percy's sleeping and I'm in quite the death grip. Extra key is hidden in trident.'

As soon as the text was delivered her heard an angry sigh and it was followed by the sound of the door opening and angry footsteps and the light ones of a laughing Will.

It was at that moment Percy had decided to shift in his sleep. He flips himself over so his face is now pushing directly against a now very alert part of Jason's body. Jason twitches and tries to move the boy away, his face now in flames. It was a failed attempt, all it does is cause Percy to groan and start rubbing his face against him.

Nico pushed the bedroom door open to be greeted with the familiar view of clothes strewn across Percy's not-so-white-anymore carpeted floor. That's not what surprised him, what surprises him is a shirtless Jason Grace redder than a cherry tomato trying to push an unconscious Percy Jackson off of his dick.

Nico cracks up instantly, the joyful sound rolling of his chest quickly caught the interest of his boyfriend who marches to a halt behind him throwing a curious glance over the shorter boy's shoulder.

Jason's gaze is met with another pair of pearly whites and closed eyes as Will starts laughing twice as hard and stops to whisper something in his boyfriend's ear that causes them both to laugh harder.

"Can you maybe stop laughing and get him off me?" He pleads with wide blue eyes and his hands wrapped together. Resembling that of a little kid begging his mother for just one more candy.

"I don't Grace, I thought you'd always be the one to take advantage of Percy. Not the other way around." Nico said with a devilish smirk, a look often pulled off by the Italian boy. Between his evil grin and the pure blackness of his eyes it was no wonder people often called him 'Son Of Hades'.

"Oh come on, you totally are enjoying this." Will however was the complete opposite. The blue eyed blonde haired beauty looked like he could be angel, one of the few people Jason would admit could pull off his signature look better than he could. Will radiated sunlight and all things happiness, and the first time Jason woke up with his wide eyes staring down at him in his summer camp's infirmary he was completely certain he had died and gone to heaven.

"Will you all shut up?" Percy grumbled and slowly blinks his eyes open, "Whoa what the hell, Why is your junk in my face Grace?"

Percy quickly moves away and gives Jason an accusing glance. Percy Jackson however, is extremely devilishly handsome. Unlike Nico, he definitely knows it, and all too often uses it to his advantage. Percy's infamous black hair was messily splayed across his forehead and his sea green eyes were scrunched in an accusing way.

"Are you trying to take advantage of me?"

Jason suddenly became annoyed, which isn't that uncommon when the two are together. "Me, take advantage of you?" He groaned, "You were the one molesting me."

Percy rolls his eyes, "Oh I was the one molesting _you,_ " Percy spat out at him, "What the hell are you even doing here?"

"I came over last night, remember,"Jason defends himself slamming his hand against Percy's forehead and climbing out of his bed. "You were already passed out on the floor when I got here idiot, you didn't even unlock the door."

The dark haired boy makes a sudden look of remembrance as he thinks back to the conversation they had the previous night and gives the blonde a sheepish smile. Jason rolls his eyes and grabs one of the few things that actually were hanging up in Percy's closet. Unsurprisingly enough, one of them were his sweaters. He puts his his glasses in the pocket of his grey sweatpants and pulls the navy blue sweater of his head. He walks towards the door to see that Nico and Will were still there snickering, and Percy was back to sleep just like that.

Jason growled and pushes the two snickering boys out the room and shuts the door behind him. "So what're you two doing here, shouldn't you be at like, school?" He asks as he walks into Percy's kitchen. He scrunches his nose up in distaste only seeing a half empty carton of milk and leftover Chinese in his fridge.

Before the two could answer him, he shoves hi glasses back on his face and grabs his coat off the hook next to the door. "You two want to go out to lunch?"

 **JASON RETURNS HOURS LATER**.

Much to Percy's distaste. He wants to know whatever's going on with Jason that had him so messed up last night. He comes in with four bags of groceries and a Panera takeout bag. He hands Percy the takeout bag and makes his way to the kitchen without saying a word.

Jason puts away the food he bought, dreading the conversation he's gonna have with his very straight best friend. _Oh my gods,_ Percy is going to hate him. There is no way this is going to work. There's no possible way this is actually going to work. It's going to be a disaster and Percy's gonna kick is ass. Well at least try to, though Perce won't admit it, Jason's definitely stronger, and taller.

Jason nervously chews on the peeled skin on the side of his thumb as he walks back into the living room, with shaggy tan carpets and sea green drapes covering his two windows. Percy sat on his leather sofa, mindlessly staring at the way too big flatscreen tv forking mac and cheese into his mouth. Jason sheds of his jacket and hangs it on the hook next to the door. He turns back around to now see green eyes now staring intently at him.

"I need you to be my boyfriend." Jason finally chokes out, breaking their silent oath of silence and gives Percy a sheepish smile.

Percy chokes and Jason quickly rushes to his side slamming his hand against his back in an non-useful attempt to help.

"You want me…" Percy gasps out, trying to catch his breath after that _overly_

 _dramatic_ moment.

"Look, I can explain." Jason tries again, handing him a random water bottle he found shoved in the couch. "I want you to be my _fake_ boyfriend. Just until Thalia goes back to living it up in Rome with Reyna."

As Jason goes through the stories of the countless horrible dates he'd been set up with by Thalia and how he'd finally just told her he had a boyfriend and there was no way in hell she'd ever believe he was dating Leo. That's why he came to Percy. After he finally finished his spiel he looked over to Percy who silently blinked a few times and then nodded in agreement.

"Ok, I'll be your boyfriend."

Jason broke out into a huge grin, and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. He leaned over and kissed Percy's forehead. "You're literally the best Jackson."

Percy rolled his eyes and pushed him away, "And you're literally the worst Grace."

It was at the moment Jason noticed that Percy's leg was up on the coffee table and there was a bag of ice lying on his ankle. "What the hell did you do to your ankle?"

"Heh, about that."


	2. Chapter 1

"If you don't shut the hell up and kiss me, I swear-" Jason is literally three seconds from throwing something at the boy sitting in front of him on the couch. The black haired boy gives him a cheeky smile and Jason suddenly hates Percy Jackson just a little bit more. And his stupidly cute stormy sea green eyes.

They're sitting face to face on the ugly blue couch—at least in Jason's opinion, in Percy's sad excuse for a living room. Jason and Nico constantly sit on the couch for hours trying to decipher what the stains were and where they came from. They sit criss cross applesauce, Percy and Jason have been spending way too much time with Percy's family. No matter how cute his little sister is. Their knees knock against each others as they talk between bites of the Mac & Cheese they have leftovers from their most recent visit to the Jackson / Blofis household.

"Why?" Percy whines for the fifteenth time in the last hour, Jason mentally tallies in his head. Percy Jackson, the great Percy Jackson who had been idolized by many people—mostly Nico—for many years, is very needy. Annoyingly so. They've only been fake dating for three days and Jason's already ready to dump him for being clingy and needy. They spent the night before announcing their relationship to Sally, Paul, and a very confused little Janie, "I don't know what gay is but I'm happy if Jay keeps coming over."

They both agreed it'll be more believable if everyone thinks that they're in a relationship. And Percy is damn sure using this relationship as an excuse for being needy, but really between lack of social interactions from taking a gap year from college due to mental issues and work he's just really misses spending time with his best friend. He'll be damned if he doesn't take up all of his love and attention.

"Because," Jason emphasises sounding like a preteen girl arguing with her father about going out with friends, "Thalia's no bullshit detector would go off in a minute if I'm not being affectionate enough."

Percy rolls his eyes, knowing how the concept works even though he was a proud only child for eighty percent of his life, "Can't you, I don't know be a normal person and claim you don't want to make out with someone in front of your sister."

"Think Perce," Jason slams his palm against the older boy's forehead before abruptly taking it back to observe the damage, "Thalia had to experience the whole me and Piper thing." He chuckles seeing the red hand shaped mark partially hidden by the boy's messy black hair, he didn't mean to hit him that hard but it's not like Percy didn't deserve it.

The green-eyed boy sticks his tongue out and glares, he's too tired to retaliate with mutual hitting. His eyes widen in a sudden remembrance.

"Oh shit, I remember when you were straight." Percy responds with a smirk, thinking back to not so innocent memories of the seemingly innocent girl Jason had been with for years. Jason cringes, he's one hundred percent sure this is the same concept as if someone had mentioned something from middle school. Because really no one ever talks about Middle School.

"Really," Jason says with a laugh, "Cause I don't."

"Come on you can't not be straight and do half the shit you did with Pipes." He says, "heh, pipes, if that's not ironic I don't know what is."

He and Jason have done a lot of talking in the past three days when they officially started dating. Percy already knew about how vocal Piper could be from the year Jason and Percy decided to share an apartment. But apparently Jason is just as bad.

Before he could make another bad pun, Jason leans forward and presses his lips against Percy's chapped ones.

Mental note, buy Jackson some chapstick. Jason thinks to himself as he wraps his arms around his shoulders. Percy sits frozen, not expecting to have been harassed—Jason can hear him complaining about it later, ranting about how Percy doesn't just randomly sexually assault him. The thoughts clear his mind as he gradually starts to respond.

He kisses back softly and drags his hands through blond hair. He tugs softly, Jason fucking knew he'd be using this against him one day. Weeks ago Percy had learned that hair pulling is one of Jason's kinks from an interesting game of drink-to-forget as Leo Valdez likes to calls it. Also note to self, don't think about Leo Valdez while kissing anyone, Jason mentally cringes.

Percy lightly nibbles on Jason's bottom lip, a small smirk forming on his face. Years of knowing Percy means that can't mean anything good, so Jason opens his mouth to give Percy more access, just to quickly pull away.

Somehow without either of them noticing Jason had ended up sitting in Percy's lap. The blonde boy lays his head on the older ones shoulder pressing his nose into his neck. Jason whispers softly, still trying to catch his breath, "You think that'll be convincing enough."

That was the second official time Percy thought that their fake relationship might backfire in more ways than one.

PERCY JACKSON WANTS TO COMMIT SUICIDE.

He'd traveled through the depths of hell, quite metaphorically speaking, but upon meeting his boyfriend's sister in a whole new light, he is scarily close to throwing himself out of a window. Thalia Grace isn't tall or scary looking but receiving a heated gaze from the girl felt like Zeus was winding up his arm to hit Percy with a lighting bolt. Jason nervously smiles from beside him and squeezes his shoulder reassuringly. They spent the whole weekend sitting in Percy's apartment to finish out all the nitty gritty details of their relationship, before they'd finally discuss it out with Thalia. It's officially their weekiversary, Jason almost punched Percy for mentioning it like it was actually some sort of holiday.

They had decided to go with a safe approach and weave as close to the truth as they could without pulling too many seams. Over the years Jason had learned that Percy was an exceptional liar, but Jason isn't. Especially when it comes to Thalia Grace. It's like she has a sixth sense that can detect when someone isn't telling the truth. Throughout his childhood he'd gotten in trouble for a lot more things he should've just because of his mother and Thalia's sixth sense.

"So," Thalia says giving Percy a belittling glance, he shrinks slightly, through Jason's stories he had learned that Reyna was the scarier of the two, at this point he'd rather run around naked painted blue then meet her. "How'd you guys start dating, cause last I knew you were madly in love with Annabeth."

Percy inwardly cringes at her name, Yeah ok, sure he thinks about her a lot but no one ever directly mentions her to him. Jason gives Thalia a harsh glare, she knew the Annabeth situation was off-limits but she has to make sure there's only the best for her brother. Percy Jackson is not the best, Percy Jackson is a douchebag eighty percent of the time, but Jason isn't going to let her find out.

Jason starts to speak only for the girl to quickly cut him off, "I wasn't talking to you, so shut up. I want to hear it from him." She shifts her gaze back to Percy who forces a smile before spewing out what they spent hours rehearsing.

"It was actually because of her," He says softly, giving Jason a what would seem loving smile but looking into his eyes Jason knew Percy wanted nothing more than to punch him in the throat. "A few days after that happened, Jason came over to check up on me, because I was completely avoiding the outside world at all costs."

Which was partially true, it wasn't a few days after, it was weeks. As soon as it happened Percy had been out searching for her relentlessly. Until one day he'd just given up, no one really knows why. He won't talk about even to Nico. He locked himself into his apartment and just did nothing. He was a hollow shell of himself. The night Jason came, he held Percy in his arms and he cried for hours, he cried until he fell asleep. When he woke up he cried again, Jason stayed the whole time. Finally leaving a week later after Percy was on a semi-decent sleep and eating schedule. He didn't let Jason leave until he promised he wouldn't tell anyone about what happened that week.

"I was kind of a mess, and Jay came and knocked some sense into me." Percy says smiling like he's thinking back to a fond memory, "he was the only one I'd talk to for a long while. I guess I just slowly just started to fall for him throughout it. I was so fucking nervous. I thought he was going to hate me, I don't know. I now understand I was being completely irrational and Jase felt the same way."

"So he's your rebound, gods help me Perseus Jackson if you hurt my brother I swear-"

Jason rolls his eyes and Percy quickly jumps to defend himself, he waves his arms maniacally, "No, no, no. Not at all!" A habit he'd picked up from his Italian friend who makes way more hand gestures than he thinks he does. "I genuinely care about him, it's not at all about her. Nothing to do with it."

"If it's not about that, then why can't you even say her name?" Thalia accuses him, placing her hands on her hips. Her face contorts into a harsh glare.

Jason silently giggled as Percy makes a face much resembling a little kid being accused of something they obviously did. "I can say her name."

Thalia raises her eyebrow as if saying 'Well I'm waiting.'

"Annabeth is gone and there's nothing I can do to change that. I've moved on, I'm with Jason now." He says and silently hates himself for it, his voice cracked in awkward places and his heart swelled in his chest and dropped to his stomach just saying out loud. He's going to be spending a good amount of time crying about that later on tonight, with or without Jason there to comfort him.

"Good. Now that the boring parts over, let's go get some lunch." Thalia smiles content, and Jason reassuringly wraps his arm around Percy's shoulder.

"SO HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DATING?"

Leo Valdez, of all people, happened to show up at the diner they chose to eat at. There was no way it could be a coincidence and judging from the almost smile on Thalia's face she had most definitely set it up. Thalia knew if she didn't know about a relationship, Leo also didn't know about that relationship. Leo had been selling Jason out for months, for cute souvenirs that Thalia was going to get him anyways but for her benefit she's not gonna let him know that.

Percy and Jason, mostly Jason, decided that they weren't going to Leo until it was absolutely necessary. It's not that Leo won't accept the fact that they are dating, it's just Leo's well Leo. Leo is loud and brash and greatly offended when he's kept out of the loop, even if it's as small as being the second friend to find out instead of the first.

"Two months." Jason answers, with enough conscious to actually look guilty. Percy on the other hand is looking like the smug bastard he most certainly is. Leo and Percy argue about everything and this most definitely will be one of these things.

"Two months Jason Alexander Grace," Leo yells, attracting the attention of most of the cute little diner Jason has a feeling they won't ever be allowed to come back to again, "I am your best fucking friend and you didn't even tell me."

"My middle name isn't Alexander." Jason responds purposefully avoiding every other part of what he said.

"Well damn," he shifts his fiery gaze to Percy who is now quietly laughing behind his and Jason's intertwined hands, "Did you know that boyfriend?"

"Yeah, Leo." Percy says with a smirk, "I did now that because I'm obviously the superior best friend." That's Leo and Percy's normal terms of argument, who's the better friend and why until Jason shuts them up by saying he loves them equally which they both roll their eyes at them go to arguing about something else.

"You can't be boyfriend and best friend!" Leo shouts and pushing his finger into Percy's chest. "It doesn't work like that ok."

"Uh, yeah it totally does," Percy glares and slaps his hand away, "And you wonder why you're single."

The Grace siblings share a mutual look of self loathing listening to the two boys arguing but Jase felt a little smug knowing Thalia's plan dramatically backfired. Jason pinches the back of Percy's hand to signal him to shut up. Percy gives him an 'oh really' look and almost continues his spiel but Jason cuts him off by giving him a chaste kiss on the lips. More the type of kiss you give your grandma than one Jason would give his actual boyfriend. But giving Percy one of those would only set Leo on another rampage.

He leans over and whispers in his ear so Thalia and Leo don't hear. "Now be a good boy and I'll buy you all the sour blue candy your heart can take." Percy reluctantly nods and just settles on silently glaring at Leo and making obscene gestures.

"You know," Leo starts with a glint in his eyes and Jason already knows it's going to be bad, "If you were choosing to hook up with one of your friends you could've chose me. We'd be a hot couple."

Jason rolls his eyes, "If I wanted to date someone who smelled like rust and oil and potentially could catch me on fire at any given second, I'd date your dad." Point Jason 1, Leo 13. It's pathetic but hey, it's progress nonetheless.

"I mean, Festus really is a solid DILF." Percy nods in agreement, Leo glares and quickly changes the subject. Not wanting to hear about how his friends would rather date his dad instead of him.

"So Thal, how's Reyna?" Leo asks, Thalia and Leo aren't in anyway as close as Leo and Jason are but that doesn't mean he can't carry about his best friends family.

"Don't talk about it." Thalia glares, and Percy snickers, oh yeah, totally the better friend. He listened to Jason rant about how his sister and Reyna broke up so she thought it would be a good idea to move back in with him.

"Sorry that's obviously a touchy subject," Leo grins wickedly, good to know that Leo Valdez is actually just a public menace and it's not just an unspoken hatred for Percy Jackson. Jason smiles sitting in the booth of low lit corner of the small cafe in New York with three of the most important people in life feeling more than a little content. A small part of himself subconsciously forgets that holding Percy's hand in his own rubbing shapes against his skin is only supposed to be apart of an act.

"Oh, Jase, I forgot to tell you. Dad and Hera are visiting next week." His perfect mood vanished just like that, leave it to Thalia to ruin the mood. If Thalia's good at detecting bullshit their dad is like a fucking lie detector. He nervously glances over at Percy who has two straws hanging out of his mouth making dumb walrus noises with Leo. Though he's cute, he's a total idiot. Yup, Jason Grace is thoroughly screwed.


End file.
